Movie Review: ‘House Of Darkness’

Review by James Lindorf

Writer and director Neil LaBute (In the Company of Men, Nurse Betty, The Wicker Man, Lakeview Terrace) has always walked the line between mainstream and provocateur. None of his films will ever see the box office success of Spielberg or Bay, but they will never disturb you the way Gaspar Noé can. His latest project, “House of Darkness,” continues his exploration of the power games between the sexes with his trademark acid-dripping dialogue. “House of Darkness” will be available in select theaters beginning September 9th before hitting digital platforms on September 13th.

LaBute began his career as a playwright, which is abundantly clear with “House of Darkness.” With its single location and tiny cast, any local community theater would be capable of putting this show on with minimal investment. The film version stars Justin Long (Accepted), Kate Bosworth (Blue Crush), Gia Crovatin (I Feel Pretty), and Lucy Walters (“Get Shorty”). If you find any enjoyment during the 90-minute runtime of “House of Darkness,” it will be because of one of those actors with Long and Bosworth carrying most of the weight.

Long plays a Hap, a modern-day lothario who is used to wooing young women at bars with drinks, a nice suit, and a sharp tongue. Tonight’s potential conquest Mina (Bosworth), lives alone in a castle-like home, far away from the typical city dwellings Hap is used to frequenting. When he offers her a ride home, she, in turn, invites him inside. As more drinks flow Mina proves she is more quick-witted than Hap’s average quarry. She is no stranger to this type of pursuit and twists virtually every one of Hap’s lines leaving him on the defensive and unsure of how to proceed. When Mina asks him to confirm his marital status, Hap fumbles his reply so severely that the night might end up a total loss. The tension, both sexual and otherwise, is interrupted by the “surprising” appearance of Mina’s sister Lucy (Crovatin). While she offers a temporary reprieve from the line of questioning, it becomes clear Hap is way in over his head. When a second surprise sister makes herself known, Hap begins to worry that not getting laid won’t be the worst part of the night.

“House of Darkness” wants to combine LaBute’s battle of the sexes with traditional horror elements. To horror fans, it is evident that there is something going on with the women in this house by their names alone. Lucy and Mina both play significant parts in Bram Stoker’s “Dracula,” both for their femininity and the roles they play in the destruction of men. Unfortunately, it doesn’t delve deep enough into either aspect. The dialogue between Hap and the three sisters is as acidic as lemon juice. Sure, it will help clean your microwave. Still, it doesn’t have the strength to do any damage, just as the dialogue won’t damage preconceived notions of sex and relationships. Besides possibly being married, Hap doesn’t lie to Mina or disguise his intentions. He is slimy because it is clear he only sees women as sexual conquests, but he isn’t out to hurt anyone.

Because Hap is just your typical douche, it brings into question if he is deserving of where the night appears to be heading. Once he begins having brief nightmares of catacombs and piles of abandoned clothes, it is clear what fate awaits him. His only hope is to prove he is a man worthy of earning his freedom. Morality tales are at the center of many of our favorite horror movies. Don’t be mean, do drugs, drink alcohol, or even think about having sex, or something terrible may happen to you. But, because they keep suffering from coitus interruptus, it is hard to say if the end they are building to would be earned.
“House of Darkness” offers solid performances across the board, but overall it earns a score of 2.5 out of five. Unless you are a mega fan of LaBute, Long, or Bosworth, there are better ways to spend your time unless you need something on in the background while you do the dishes, fold laundry, or swipe away on a dating app.