TV Review: Watching 90 Day Fiancé Like A Hawk

A word of caution to my 90 Day Fiance peeps…if you want to head into tonight’s episode fresh, stop here and come back after it airs. Spoilers below!

Ok, then…let’s get started!

JUSTIN & EVELIN

This week is Justin’s official “Telling The Family He’s Engaged And Has 90 Days To Marry Someone Who Is A Complete Stranger To Them” Day. As you can probably guess, it’s a huge mess. Not only do we meet this sister in law, Jen, who became known as “Darth Vader,” but we watch Justin drop a bomb on his entire family who believe he’s been doing a dating reality show. As you can imagine, everyone is shellshocked at pissed at this boy and for good reason. I mean, just last episode he looked his own mother in the face and lied, right? Even better, Justin gets his feelings hurt and storms out of the party with Evelin because no one knows what to think. So, what could he possibly have been thinking would happen? Then he uses his family’s reaction, which he provoked, to introduce the idea of elopement to Evelin, who seems about as into the idea as washing more of this boy’s dishes. I hate to seem like I’m just bagging on this guy, but come on, man. You’re 35 and pulling little boy crap? This has got to be an embarrassing joke. I cannot imagine these two getting married by season’s end.

AMY & DANNY

So, we met this couple for the first time last week without much to show for it besides their incredibly young age. Danny’s poor planning has left his young fiance basically stranded in his brother’s house, who are strangers to her. Naturally she’s feeling abandoned and lonely. Not to mention Danny’s brother is EXTREMELY sketchy, always bantering about sex and asking her to say something “African.” Dude, you’re gross and you need to back off. Amy plays it off admirably, especially during a huge dinner with tons of Danny’s family and friends. Still no sign of the disapproving father, though.

DANIELLE & MOHAMED

Mohamed gets subjected to more of Danielle’s family, this time her brother, who looks and acts like he’s auditioning for a possible role in the True Hollywood Story of Larry the Cable Guy. They head out to a restaurant where Mohamed’s dietary restrictions get ridiculed (“Yew don’t like bacon?!?) and his possible future wife just sits there while he tries to dissect the menu. The waitress helps him more than anyone at the table.

DAYA & BRETT

Now we meet Brett’s daughter, which is always kind of gross to me, when people trot out their kids for something like this. What I’m most curious os what split Brett from his former wife after we see her and she looks entirely out of his league. I recalled his statements about relationships in the premiere and I must know more. Daya struggles with wanting to be an “Insta-Mom,” but keeps hitting the wall this little girl with cameras in her face is putting up. Daya tries to make in roads, but they all fall flat, probably because each attempt is focused on Daya and not the kid. There’s cameras all around and this is the kid’s time with her dad. Maybe celebrate her a bit?

CASSIA & JASON

This is our final new couple and, for me, the wild card of the show. Jason seems suited for the quiet kind of life, while his Brazilian fiance hassles him for getting his house ready for her because he can’t talk with her. So Jason hops a bus and then a plane to Brazil even though she tells him she won’t be there. I guess we can assume she shows up, but these two rival Danielle and Mohamed for most unlikely couple.

No sign of Yamir and Chelsea this week, which doesn’t work for me. I’m guessing now that all six couples have been fully introduced, the show will focus on some each episode so as not to overwhelm us? I’m sure I could pick one to cut to keep Yamir and Chelsea a weekly thing.

Again, most notable this week is the drive to pull out drama and conflict from what is probably more just a culture gap. Specifically, Mohamed is getting too much hassle this week from Danielle’s brother. This guy points out Mohamed’s lack of PDA as a sign he’s here for a green card, but I really think that’s a respect/cultural thing. And I may hold Justin to the fire, but did Jen really jump straight to the whole green card thing too? Are they really that difficult to get nowadays?

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