Movie Review: ‘C Street’

Review by Dante Jordan

I do my best to avoid negativity, but this movie really really sucks. Seriously, what did I just watch? Or actually, I should ask: what did I just fall asleep on then wake up back up and re-watch ONLY because I had to for this review? Answer: one of the most boring movies I’ve ever seen with my own two peepers.
Written by Brett E. Lewis and directed by Peter James Iengo, C Street is a movie about a wanna-get-ahead-and-gain-power-by-any-means-necessary intern who pimps out his apartment to sex-starved politicians.

That’s it. It goes nowhere after that. I’m sure you were waiting on the “but what happens that makes me want to see the movie?” part, but nope. No such thing. That’s all the movie is. It pretty much feels like being trapped in one big long boring ass conversation. It’s listed as a comedy, but I’d say that’s extremely debatable, because this shit wasn’t funny at all. The “jokes” are so forced and the physical comedy is so over the top for no reason at all. Combine that with the fact that there’s no real story or reason to care about the characters and you get a film that makes you wish you could be reimbursed for time.

When I read the synopsis, I got excited because I thought this would be pretty good. I assumed that it’d be a drama with some sort of film noir feel to it, but when that opening scene revealed I was dealing with a comedy, I immediately knew this movie would be terrible. And it proved me absolutely right. One minute you’re watching, waiting for SOMETHING worthwhile to happen, and the next minute it’s just a bunch of vanilla sexual innuendo that reminds you of why you never watch the talking scenes in porn.

The whole movie you’re thinking “What is this even about?” Instead of advancing the movie with relevant action and a worthwhile story-line, it keeps introducing new characters that serve no real purpose. They introduced all of these politicians, but never showed them working or doing anything that makes that an important part of the movie. They could’ve just shown them as regular everyday cheating husbands and it wouldn’t have changed the movie at all. In fact, I’d say there were 10+ characters introduced, but only 3 really mattered. And that’s also debatable.

Guy Poppet: Played by Evan Hall, he’s the main character. When he first popped onto the screen, I thought he might be relate-able. I saw a low-level employee trying to elevate his career by going the extra yard for his bosses and thought that looks familiar. I mean, sure, renting out your apartment for your employer’s political sexscapades might be a little too much for a $7,000 raise and a new Outlook signature, but in the words of Greek Philosopher Aristole, “Ay man…You gotta do what you gotta do.” However, as the movie progresses, you realize that character has no arc whatsoever. He’s boring; he’s bland; he’s not a good focal point. They try to show some growth in him as the movie goes down extremely random paths, but it flops.

Senator Fallon: Played by Dylan Walsh, this character was the main politician that drove Guy’s actions and decisions. But again, it never showed him doing anything worthwhile so it doesn’t even matter that he’s Guy’s boss. Senator Fallon only had one true role in the whole movie: smashing the girl Guy wants.
Haley: Played by Shaun Licata. She’s the girl/love interest in the movie. Like Guy, she’s an intern. Unlike Guy, she’s sleeping with Senator Fallon. That’s it though. They never give her a true story or any relevant purpose other than being a vagina, which renders you emotionless about her welfare throughout the whole movie. Hell, they don’t even give her a last name. She’s oversexualized for unnecessary purposes and then (OUT OF NOWHERE) they try to build a true love story around her, but it too flops. It all flops.

So what would I rate this on my scale of Theater, Redbox, or Nah, Nevermind? I think I made that pretty clear by now. This is a definite Nah, Nevermind.

Simply put, C Street has absolutely no clue what it wants to be or who it wants to be about. Is it a movie about exposing politicians? Is it a love story? Is it a story about empowerment? No one knows. It as if Brett E. Lewis tried to squeeze all of his ideas for different screenplays into one. It tries to juggle throughout all of these different themes while never creating a purpose for its characters which renders the movie useless. It goes all over the place, yet still manages to go absolutely nowhere.

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