I watched the new ‘Transformers’ expecting another mess of a story and that’s exactly what I got. It’s a mess that I was mostly able to discern, but still a damn mess. Honestly, the narrative in this movie bounces around so much that I’m surprised I didn’t feel like a pinball machine when it was over. Plot threads and characters jump in and out so often that you might feel like you’re watching a few different movies. The weirdest being the shoehorning of Agent Simmons (John Turturro) into the plot.
Mark Wahlberg is literally a modern knight with no armor named Cade Yaeger. He is harboring a bunch of fugitive auto bots in his junk yard until everybody on the planet decides he is the most important person in the world. Then he is whisked away by a shit talking robot butler to England where he meets Anthony Hopkins. Hopkins plays Sir Edmund Burton. Who is the leader of a secret society that has been keeping the history of transformers on earth secret for his entire life. In fact, it turns out that the myths of King Arthur, Merlin, and magic all come from transformers. Which is why they have been keeping it secret for hundreds of years.
If that sounds silly it’s not any sillier than all the other subplots. It’s especially not sillier than the single super model professor who’s related to Merlin or Optimus Prime turning rogue to carry out the same assignment that he was fighting the other Prime over just two movies ago. Bottom line, the whole thing is a pretty stupid narrative, but what did you really expect? The real questions I had going in were whether I would give a damn about following these characters convoluted journey and if there would be enough spectacular action sequences to justify my time. The characters are a bit iffy, but the spectacle delivers in a big way.
There are a few exciting action sequences along Cade’s journey to saving the world with the transformers for the 5th time, but it’s the finally that caught my eye. Watching the earth meld with Cybertron while F16’s dodge pieces of both worlds and transformers fight in epic fashion was pretty satisfying. Some will find it to be just a bunch of noise and explosions, but it’s really memorable action sequence for my book.
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