DON PEYOTE tells the story Warren Allman, an unemployed stoner who finally finds a purpose in life after an unpleasant encounter with a homeless man preaching the end is near.
If someone were to ask me what I thought the worst movie ever made was, I’d be hard-pressed to give just one answer. There are many titles out there vying for that top spot but I will be honest with you, “Don Peyote” would be right up there along with the very worst of them. How this film got made is beyond me. The film tells the story of Warren Allman (Dan Fogler), an unemployed druggie who spends his days smoking pot and watching conspiracy theory videos. He is engaged to his beautiful wife Karen (Kelly Hutchinson) and one evening, he is attacked by Anne Hathaway who, we are told, is an agent of truth who proceeds to tell him the reality about everything that has ever happened in history, from God and Satan to the JFK assassination, 9/11 and anything and everything else in between.
At one point, he breaks into song by the Hudson river, singing about absolutely nothing at all. How is that possible I hear you ask? Simple, watch the movie and you’ll see for yourself. Personally, I’d advise you against it but it’s your call. I don’t know how the producers were able to land big name stars like Anne Hathaway, Josh Duhamel, Jay Baruchel and Topher Grace, even though they’re only cameos, maybe they have old sex tapes of these celebrities and used it as blackmail because I honestly cannot think of any other reason why any of them would agree to be in this travesty. The movie has no coherent structure whatsoever. It is disjointed and chaotic beyond repair. Obviously the events in the film take place before 2012 because Warren is obsessed about the Mayan calendar and how the world is supposedly going to end.
Dan Fogler, who plays the aforementioned Warren, also co-directed the film along with Michael Canzoniero and after having sat through 99 of the most excruciating minutes of my life, I’m convinced that they were both ingesting the movie’s titular drug, Peyote. Maybe one had to have experienced drugs to really enjoy this movie but seeing that I never have and never will, I can only judge the movie in my current state: straightlaced and overwhelmed that a movie like this actually exists. A pity because what might resemble a story outline, a tale about the end of times, is always an interesting topic and could have actually made for a very compelling movie. In another life maybe. Or not.
On VOD and iTunes May 9th and in select theaters May 16th
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